What's a trip to the Big Apple without New York City shopping?

Nobody goes to New York City without shopping. Whether you're looking on the street for vendors or you're doing the upscale thing over on Fifth Avenue, you can find everything here, 24 hours a day, with only a little work.

I ain't promising you no pain. Some of the stores here will break your bank, and others will break your heart. But if you're looking for the perfect bargain, doing your year's Christmas shopping, or just looking around for souvenirs you can treasure forever, you can find it here. New York City shopping is not for the faint of heart, or for the inexperienced bargain hunter. This is pulse-pounding, deal-breaking, unadulterated pleasure for the hardened shopper, the one with a callus on her thumb from scraping that card down the slot.

And NYC shopping here ain't no slick Vogue magazine. It's not a scene from Sex and the City. And it's not necessarily glamorous, though it can be. Fugeddabout all that.

This city will eat soft-shelled shoppers alive. So beware.

All others, it's open season on bargain hunting. Lock and load your credit cards.

Street Smart New York City Shopping EdumacationOR Who The Bleep Am I & Why Should You Pay Attention

WHY we share CRAZY UNCONVENTIONAL Street Wisdom.

I like to call myself a transportation engineer. It looks and sounds very impressive on my resume or curricula vitae. An Old School Hack with a heart of gold. It is my sacred responsibility and obligation to have your back. In other words, you are under my protection, at least while you are in the cab or on the New York City Shopping web pages. Once you leave the taxi or click away, well, Your Own Your Own.

I don't just drive a taxi, I am an integral part of the New York City experience, and I have engineered transportation for thousands of people. Leading them to the best New York City shopping, dining, and entertainment. I'm a native New Yawker. Born, raised and have been serving a life sentence in the exotic Peoples Republic of Queens. Not for nothing a licensed tour guide. The bottom line, if you are a bottom line kind of guy or gal, is that you could probably do much worse with or without me.

You have three primary resources for your New York City shopping excursions.:

• Time . . .
• Money . . .and/or
• Energy . . .

You need one of these, at least, to get any kind of shopping done at all. You may have two of these to spend on New York City shopping, but the chances of you having all three – well, you're breaking my heart, but no. Ain't gonna happen.

The good news: you don't need all three. New York City is its own whole world, and there's a place in it for any kind of shopping you want to do. If you have energy, walking the Canal Street circuit can bag you a lot of bargains. If you have time, hunting through the different shops throughout Mahattan and the Five Boroughs can net you some steals. And if you have money, well, the Apple is your oyster.

This, Grasshopper, was your first New York City shopping lesson: you must learn to focus on the resources you have, make the most of them, and forget the rest.

Moving on to your next lesson: who can you trust?

Who To Trust When Shopping In New York City:

No one! You are the only one you can truly trust.

Fact is, truth is always available on the installment plan – that is, you'll get to it sooner or later, but you may not know exactly when you've paid your bill.

(What, you don't trust me? Learning already! So, not to quote anyone wise and green or anything, but – trust your feelings. You know it is true.)

Here's the deal: in New York City, shopping or otherwise, you get your test first, and then after you've passed or failed it you learn your lesson – that is, if you've paid attention.

So your second rule in New York City shopping is this: If you don't know whether or not somone's on your side – they aren't. (Props to Warren Buffet, by the way – smart guy.)

Not knowing what you're doing when you go shopping in New York City is your primary risk. So, know what you're doing, know what's important, and understand that there are certain things you can't know. This is called a Circle of Competence.

You may think you know what you're doing when you come to New York City for shopping purposes. Maybe you're Omaha's best bargain hunter, or even a veteran of the Los Angeles shopping districts. But New York City shopping is a whole new ball game, baby. The most dangerous risk: not understanding that you don't know what you're doing. It's like that tone-deaf friend who will not believe he cannot sing: he's not competent to even judge his own competence.

Most people on their first New York City shopping trip are that tone-deaf friend.

In your circle of competence, you have to understand and be able to tell the difference between:

• What is both IMPORTANT and KNOWABLE;
  
• What is IMPORTANT, but UNKNOWABLE;
  
• What is UNIMPORTANT, but KNOWABLE; and
  
• What is both UNIMPORTANT and UNKNOWABLE.

The first category is the one to focus on. The second – well, you need to know what fits in there, like the lowest price a vendor will come down to, but you must also recognize that trying to know it is a waste of time. The third one is stuff that wastes your time, and the last category – fortunately, the largest category – is just so much white noise. So how the heck do you distinguish between these things in New York City when the place is big and alien and, frankly, overwhelming?

That's your third lesson, Grasshopper.

Bonner's Law, Or How To Stand Back And See The Whole Thing

Bonner's Law simply states:

“The quality of information declines by the square of the distance from the source.”

In other words: the farther away you get the clearer the picture becomes. If you don't believe me, sit up as close to your television as you possibly can. I don't care what kind of screen you have, from here you have a great view of a whole bunch of little pixels. Get back away from it, and you'll find there is an optimal distance from which you can see the whole picture clearly and without straining.

Now here's what happens on your New York City shopping trip. Merchants, just like politicians, spend a lot of cash on perception management – trying to sell you the pixels before you can see the whole picture. There is no propaganda machine out there better than a New York City ad agency trying to run a big marketing campaign.

If you buy it, you are getting sold fiction and air as if it were truth. They will tell you that up is down, truth is lies, and especially that dumb is smart.

Don't fall for all that crap. Remember, no matter how much money you have or don't have, it's not about the size of your wallet, it's all about how you use what's in it. And also remember, you're not just spending cash, you're also spending time and energy. Conserve all of these and wait for the bargains to come to you.

Your personal Edumacation in Street Smart New York City Shopping is just beginning.

Ready . . . Set . . . Point . . . Click

"Smithers, Release the Hounds."